so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
