she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
