Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
