Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
operation have a gay friend backfired
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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