If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You are the jesus of drinking
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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