bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I want her autograph on my taint
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
