I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
