so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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