In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
