I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
