Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It was confusing and full of hummus
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
