Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
