got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im holly from the hills drunk
Just took my morning after pill in the library
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
