pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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