You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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