Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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