This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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