I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize