His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
