Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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