I think im going to throw up on grandma
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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