Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
