he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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