i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
