call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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