Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
