I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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