Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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