Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
