The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
