Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Vodka?
Forever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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