He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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