if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
