my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
