I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
