why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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