I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
