one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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