We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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