Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
