Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
