So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
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He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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