i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
