Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Drunk is a universal language darling
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