Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
