i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
