Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my shit smells like andre
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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