There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
