Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
