my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
