I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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