haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
