Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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