this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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