oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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