I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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