My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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