Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
