somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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