I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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