i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
