When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
