You're my little dorito
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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