living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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